It’s (coming up to) the most wonderful time of the year! With five weeks to go until Christmas, it’s time to finally start talking about it. It won’t be long before we’re all feeding our consumer appetites with excessive spending, eating and drinking – all to the soundtrack of Christmas songs. If you’ve ever thought “I wonder what Christmas song best represents my zodiac sign?” – this blog is for you. If not, just read it anyway. Merry Christmas huns!
Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18) = Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses
Aquarius is part of the Air element, and their main traits are considered to be unique, progressive, and independent – but also temperamental and aloof. With this in mind, it’s pretty obvious that Aquarius is Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses. (If you can’t remember it, it’s the one with the hook that goes “Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, but I think I’ll miss this one this year”). It’s a unique song, parodying the ridiculousness of Christmas while still indulging in it – which sounds pretty progressive if ya ask me.
Pisces (19 Feb – 20 March) = Last Christmas by Wham!
Represented by the fish, Pisces are a water sign. The average Pisces is creative, intuitive, compassionate and wise – and as a Pisces I can confirm that this is absolutely true. However, us fishes do have a tendency to whine, get over-emotional, and play the martyr – although we do it in a cute way. With this in mind, the Christmas song that best represents us is of course Wham’s Last Christmas. It’s emotional, it’s cutting, it’s melodramatic – and that’s why we love it.
Aries (21 March – 19 April) = All I Want For Christmas is You by Mariah
A fire sign, Aries are represented by the ram, and known for being courageous, confident, determined and honest – as well as short-tempered, impulsive and impatient. That’s exactly why the Queen of Christmas Mariah Carey’s absolute belter All I Want For Christmas is such an Aries song. It’s straight to the point, demands attention, and you have to be mad confident to literally state to someone “all I want for Christmas is you”. As I wrote this, I also found out that Mariah is an Aries, so this all fits very well.
Taurus (20 April – 20 May) = Santa Baby by Eartha Kitt/Kylie Minogue/Michael Bublé/Basically Every Artist Ever
An Earth sign, Taurus is represented by the bull. A typical Taurus guy or gal is reliable, patient, devoted and stable, but also stubborn, possessive and uncompromising. There’s no doubt in my mind that Santa Baby is the ultimate Taurus tune. Eartha/Kylie/Michael are all stubborn about what they want, be it a yacht, a convertible, or a sable (what the fuck is a sable?!), and are reminding Mr Claus of how good they’ve been all year – sounds pretty reliable and devoted, if you ask me.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20) = Have Yourself a Merry Christmas by Frank Sinatra
Known as the twins, Geminis are famous for their inconsistency and indecisiveness – almost like they’re two people in one body. It’s not all bad though, as Geminis are also gentle, affectionate, curious and adaptable. Their gentle nature perfectly lends itself to Sinatra’s Have Yourself a Merry Christmas, and the song’s consideration for what’s going to happen next year – namely everyone’s problems being “miles away” – shows a curiosity.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22) = Stay Another Day by East 17
Another water sign – like Pisces and Scorpio – Cancer is represented by the crab. The average cancer is tenacious, loyal, emotional, sympathetic and persuasive, but can also be moody, pessimistic and insecure. Is there a better song that sums these traits up than Stay Another Day by East 17? I don’t think so! The song is a love ballad, declaring to their partner that they “don’t think they can take the pain” of being without them, before attempting to persuade them to “stay another day”. It’s a bit moist, but that’s okay, it’s not Christmas if you don’t get a bit teary after drinking too much prosecco.
Leo (July 23 – Aug 22) = Christmas Time by The Darkness
The life of the party, Leo’s are a fire sign represented by the lion. Leo’s are creative, cheerful, humorous, and warm-hearted – the exact kind of person you want at your Christmas party. Despite this, the typical Leo is also arrogant, stubborn and lazy – so you probs don’t want them around for the post-party clean-up. So, what Christmas song best represents Leos? The Darkness’ Christmas Time (Don’t Let the Bells End). Not a lot really goes on in this song lyrics-wise, but there’s a lot of noise, guitars, and it’s generally one that gets everyone screaming what they think are the words – just like a Leo would. Perfect.
Virgo (Aug 23 – Sept 22) = The Christmas Song (Merry Christmas to You) by Nat King Cole
An Earth song, Virgo is represented by the maid, or sometimes the virgin (depending on who you speak to). Virgo’s are known for their hard-working and practical nature, as well as being kind and loyal. On the flip-side of that, they are often shy, worrying, and have an all-work-and-no-play vibe. Nat King Cole’s traditional Christmas tune The Christmas Song (which until five minutes ago I was convinced was called Chestnuts Roasting), is the epitome of a Virgo. It’s practical – “Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe / Help to make the season bright” – but also has a hint of worry, stressing about kids not being able to sleep and Jack Frost nipping away at everyone’s toes.
Libra (Sept 23 – Oct 22) = Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree by Johnny Marks and Brenda Lee
Libras are an air sign, thought to be cooperative, diplomatic, gracious, fair-minded and social – unlike our current government (soz). They’re also indecisive, self-pitying and will carry a grudge. There aren’t really that many grudgey Christmas tunes, so in the spirit of focussing on the good, it became apparent that Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree is perfect for the average Libra. It’s upbeat, it’s a classic, and the line “later we’ll have some pumpkin pie” obvs insinuates that they don’t mind sharing – aka, fair-minded and gracious.
Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21) = Fairy Tale of New York by the Pogues and Kirsty MacColl
Often nicknamed ‘sexy Scorpio’, the final water sign is represented by the scorpion, and are supposed to be the best lovers of the zodiac – aka top shaggers. They’re passionate, resourceful and brave, but also distrusting, jealous and violent. A personality this large can only be narrated from two voices – cue Shane MacGown and Kirsty MacColl. The story goes from a “drunk-tank” in NYC, into a jealous, violent argument “you’re a bum/you’re a punk/you’re an old slut on junk”, through to some poetic melancholies “Can’t make it out alone/I built my dreams around you”. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions, it’s a boozer’s anthem, it’s the best Christmas song ever written and I absolutely love it.
Sagittarius (Nov 23 – Dec 21) = I Wish It Could be Christmas Every Day by Wizzard
The final fire sign, your typical Sagittarius is intellectual, optimistic, and funny, but can often be demanding, impatient, and tactless. What’s one of the most demanding Christmas-themed statements one could ever make? Obviously, “I wish it could be Christmas every day”. Every year there’s always someone round the table who makes this statement, and then the inevitable “well you wouldn’t enjoy it that much because it would become normal” conversation ensues. Guarantee they’re a Sag.
Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19) = Baby It’s Cold Outside by Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Jordan and his Tympany Five
Represented by the goat, Capricorn is the final Earth sign known for being responsible, polite and disciplined, but they can also be pessimistic, condescending, know-it-all’s. A Capricorn Christmas song is simple, moral and understated – like Baby It’s Cold Outside. The whole song is a conversation between two lovers, talking over each other while the man tries to convince the woman to sleep over, with the man constantly reminding her about the freezing temperature outside – condescending – but in a responsible way.
Thank you for reading!