They say a picture is worth a thousand words… but sometimes a screenshot is worth only 4. “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!”
Pretty much the entire WhatsApp history with my friend Sophie is screenshots (interlaced with selfies, rap videos and pictures of a full body rash – don’t ask). Some people collect stamps, some people collect empty bottles of alcohol to show the whole world they’re a #legend, we collect cringe screenshots and send them to each other. Here’s the best/worst/most questionable ones from Tinder (and other dating apps).
1. Got Snapchat? Got a life?
Rule number 1 of Tinder – if he asks for your Snapchat straight away, he’s gonna send you unsolicited dick pics and photos of his abs with irrelevant captions like “tired 😉 “. My friend once received a dick pic with the caption “Just got back from a job interview, dunno what to do now”. WE KNOW WHAT YOU’RE GONNA DO NOW DEREK. CUT THE BULLSHIT.
2. Marriage n kids
I think one of the reasons I’m still single (apart from my horrible personality, irrational melodrama and how much I hate sharing my bed) is the fact I’m too sarky.
3. “Bust one on your face”
Let’s just call a spade a spade and say that Tinder was invented for hook-ups. But let’s also call a twat a twat and say that using the phrase “bust one on your face” is beyond cringe. I have never seen a guy’s dating profile and swiped right on the premise that I 100% want to sleep with them, no questions asked. I’m not saying I’m looking for marriage n kids, but it does beg the question, who the fuck raised this guy? (Also putting a space before punctuation – massive turn off. Don’t you think ??)
4. Life ruined
Mild aggression with a side salad of disappointment. Lush.
5. “I’m actually a big fan of the dictionary” – Collins, Gemma (2016)
Just supplying a nice Swedish gentleman with the perfect ammo for chatting to British gals.
I love a bit of sarcasm as much as the next person (as long as they’re a massively sarky prick too) but there’s being hilarious and then there’s just wasting your own time. Also dunno why I used the word douche? Maybe it is 2015…
7. It doesn’t matter how tall you are, IT AIN’T HAPPENING
No caption needed. *eye roll*
8. Oioi lads we got a top shagger over ere. WHAYYYY
That’s enough Tinder for one day.